The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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