I just pynch a tree in the face
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
