dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
