I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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