where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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