omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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