Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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