If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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