So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
