Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
