Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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