we have officially lost it.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
