If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
