Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
