just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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