I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
