I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
