there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
