whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
