we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
