how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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