he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
