So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
