my text book just quoted the cookie monster
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
