Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
