I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
