Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
