Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
