yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
