I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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