Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
