she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
