he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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