somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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