90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
