My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
