that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
