Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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