PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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