K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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