I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
