so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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