Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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