Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
