Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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