Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
