I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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