just tell him i said nine months
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
