i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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