Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
