The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
