sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
