): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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